John Gage was in his
office at the Eagle Harbor Fire Station on June 5th. School had let out for the year at noon, but Trevor hadn’t
stopped by to show his father his report card. He hadn’t stopped by the fire
station at all since the altercation with his father that had resulted in
Trevor getting slapped. That had been
over a week ago now, and during that time period, Trevor’s journeys had been
limited to home and the airport, where he was allowed to go only when he was
scheduled to work. The frustrating part
of it for Johnny was that Trevor seemed indifferent to it all. He didn’t appear to care that the two-week
period of grounding he’d earned for his transgressions had prevented him from
attending his school’s end-of-year picnic, the sports banquet, a Freshman class
roller skating party in Juneau, and a night of volleyball and pizza with the
youth group from the Eagle Harbor Methodist church. Johnny knew all these
events were important to his son. Or at
least they had been just a few short weeks before.
Johnny had kept his
problems with Trevor private. He hadn’t even spoken of the turmoil in his house
with Carl, his closest friend other than Roy. But in a small town like Eagle
Harbor, people talked and news traveled.
He had no doubt that the kids who had gone to the concert had returned
from Anchorage with quite a story about Chief Gage and how he’d pulled Connor
over with flashing lights and blaring siren, and made Trevor get out of the
van. He supposed half the town thought of him as a concerned parent who’d done
the right thing, and the other half, the younger half, thought of him as an old
coot who had no business raising a teenager in 2007, just like Johnny’s son
thought. If nothing else, Kylee’s mom
had stopped by the station to thank him for bringing her daughter home, so at
least one person young enough to be his offspring felt he’d done the right
thing.
The ringing of the
telephone brought Johnny from his musing.
“Eagle Harbor Fire
Department. Chief Gage.”
“Hi, John.”
She didn’t identify
herself, and though she’d never called him at the fire station before, she
didn’t have to tell him who it was.
“Ashton.”
He tried not to sound cold
with her, but he knew that’s exactly how he did sound. As though he was nodding
a curt greeting to a stranger before walking away.
She ignored his tone, like
she’d been doing for fifteen years now.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine. If you’re
calling for Trevor, he’s not here.
You’ll probably catch him at home.”
Johnny glanced at his watch and saw it was a few minutes after three.
“He got out of school at noon. Today
was the last day for the year.”
“I know. I already spoke with him. He earned all A’s. He was ranked number one in his class. Did he tell you that?”
“No...uh...no. I’ve been...I’ve been busy and haven’t
gotten a chance to talk to him.”
She knew it was a lie, of
course. Johnny had no doubt she knew it
was a lie. Until recently, there had been no achievement in Trevor’s life that
Johnny didn’t know about well ahead of Ashton hearing the news.
“I told Trevor how proud
Franklin and I are of him. Isn’t it
great, John? Valedictorian of his grade school class, and now well on his way
to being valedictorian of his high school class.”
“Yeah, it’s great.”
“You don’t sound like you
mean that.”
“I mean it. I’m just...busy, like I told you.”
God, even after all these
years she could still leave him tongue-tied. She was fifty now, but still
beautiful judging by the pictures he’d seen of her in the family portraits she
had done each summer when Trevor visited her and Franklin New York.
“Well, Franklin and I are
thrilled. I told Trevor we’d have to
give him a present befitting of a young man who works as hard as he does.”
Of course. A Mercedes, maybe? Or why not a Lear jet? Something that will make the night out for pizza and bowling I treat him to for his grades look like the kind of reward a neglected orphan would receive from a local charity.
“That’s nice of you and Franklin,” Johnny managed to say. “Just don’t spoil him, Ashton.”
She laughed in the way that could still make his
heart skip a beat. “Oh, John, you always say that.”
“I
always say it, but you never listen,” Johnny bantered lightly, easily falling back
into a routine that had been so comfortable for them years and years in the
past now.
She
laughed again, and then grew serious. “Listen, John, the reason I’m calling is
because Franklin and I would like to invite Trevor to spend the summer with
us.”
At
first, Johnny wasn’t sure what she meant.
“He’s coming for two weeks in late July like he does every year.”
“I
know. But I mean the entire summer.”
“Why?”
It
was her turn to stammer. “Just...just because we want to.”
“But
aren’t you working?”
“Yes.
Though Franklin is semi-retired now, so he splits his time between home and the
medical college where he’s still teaching.”
Ashton
and her husband, a man twenty-five years her senior, were cardiac surgeons.
From what little Johnny knew, Franklin was quite wealthy, having pioneered many
new procedures during his long career that improved the quality of life for
cardiac patients. He was a professor at the Columbia School of Medicine, where
he’d been on staff for years, and had written more papers and books on the
subject of cardiac medicine than even he could keep track of.
“So
if you’re working, why do you want Trevor there for the summer?”
“We
just do. I don’t see nearly enough of
him.”
“That
was your choice, Ashton, not mine.”
“John,
please. Don’t start. That’s water under a bridge neither of us can cross
again.”
“You
made that pretty clear fifteen years ago.”
“John.”
Johnny
sighed. “All right, all right. I’m sorry.”
“So,
back to what I was saying. Franklin and I would like Trevor to stay with us
this summer. I can arrange to have the
ticket waiting for him at the airport. He can fly out of Anchorage on
Saturday.”
“Ashton,
it’s already Tuesday.”
“I
know, but that should give him plenty of time to get packed. Besides, he doesn’t need to bring much in
the way of clothing. I’ll buy him
anything he wants once he gets here.”
Naturally.
“Thanks
for inviting him, but it won’t work.
He’s got a job lined up for the summer crewing on a fishing boat during
the week, plus he’s gonna work out at the airport on weekends.”
“John—“
“Ashton,
I’m sorry, but it won’t work. He’s arranged for time off at both his jobs so
that we can go to California for a week in July, and from there he’ll be flying
out of LAX to see you.”
“John...John,
listen to me for a minute, please.”
“What?”
“John,
Trevor called me this afternoon and asked if he could spend the summer with
Franklin and me.”
“He
what?”
“Trevor
called me and asked if he could come to New York for the summer.”
Johnny
could feel his blood pressure begin to rise.
“I’m his custodial parent.”
“I
know that. But I really think you
should consider this. Trevor’s told me
about the...challenges you two have been having and I think—“
“I
don’t care what you think.”
“John—“
“Listen,
Ashton, I’ve got work to do.”
“Just
consider it, please. Talk to Trevor
and—“
“Don’t
tell me how to raise my son.”
“I’m
not telling you how to raise our son. All I’m asking is that you listen
to what he has to say.”
“I’ve
got no more interest in what Trevor has to say than I have in what you have to
say.”
“John,
please. Don’t be like that.”
“Be
like what?”
“Stubborn
and bull-headed.”
“I’m
not stubborn and bull-headed.”
“Yes,
you are. You always have been. Remember
the time we went white-water rafting and you—“
“Bye,
Ashton.”
With
that, Johnny slammed the receiver down.
The last thing he was going to do was relive old memories with the one
woman he still carried a torch for.
_________________________
Trevor Gage paced in front
of the bay window that looked out from the breakfast nook and across the wide
front lawn. His eyes flicked between the kitchen clock and the window. It was ten minutes after seven now. It wasn’t like his father not to be home by
six-thirty without calling to say he’d been delayed at work. Especially on an evening when Trevor was
home alone because Clarice was out of town for the week on a trip with her
sisters.
It was seven twenty-five
when Trevor saw the Durango coming down their long driveway and making the
curve by the house. He checked the
kitchen one last time. The table was set, and one of the casseroles Clarice had
made before leaving was in the oven along with dinner rolls Trevor had taken
out of the freezer. The chores were also completed, and the Land Rover,
Johnny’s personal vehicle, had been washed and vacuumed. The teenager wasn’t
foolish enough to think these offerings would appease Johnny, but if nothing
else, maybe they would promote some type of good will between Trevor and his
father.
The boy bounced from a
kitchen chair, to the great room sofa, to one of the recliners, unsure of where
he should be sitting when his father entered the house. By now Trevor knew his mother had called
Pops. She wanted Trevor to fly to New York on Saturday, which meant they
couldn’t put off telling his father what the plans were. Or at least that’s what she’d told Trevor
during their phone conversation that afternoon.
Trevor swallowed hard when
he heard the back door close. It seemed
like it was taking his father an eternity to remove his boots and step from the
laundry room into the kitchen. The boy held his breath, sure the shouting would
start the moment Johnny opened the door that led into the kitchen. Therefore,
Trevor was surprised when all his father did was look in the great room and ask
succinctly, “Supper’s ready?”
Trevor
couldn’t find his voice, so he just nodded.
“Then
let’s eat.”
The
teenager stood. He walked to the kitchen on heavy legs. He was certain he wouldn’t be able to
swallow even one bite of the meal he’d gotten ready until he and his father had
hashed out the inevitable.
But the
inevitable didn’t arrive. Or at least
not soon enough as far as Trevor was concerned. He took the casserole dish out of the oven and set it on a hot
pad in the center of the table, then put the rolls in a basket. Johnny poured milk in the two glasses Trevor
had sitting in front of the plates. Trevor waited until his father sat down
before taking his own seat across from the man. He kept his eyes on his plate, risking a glance in his father’s
direction every few seconds as he attempted to swallow some food.
I just
want this to be over. Why doesn’t he
just yell at me and have it done with?
Trevor
was well aware his father was his custodial parent, so wondered how the man had
reacted when his mother had requested Trevor spend the summer with her. If his father prevented him from
going...well, Trevor didn’t know for sure what he’d do, but he knew he could go
to court and petition for the right to live with his mother. He couldn’t imagine doing something like
that to the man who had raised him, yet given the current circumstances, he
couldn’t imagine going on living with that man, either.
When Johnny
was finished eating he pushed his plate aside.
Unbeknownst to his son, it had taken monumental effort on his part to
find any appetite at all. He’d left the
station a few minutes after six, but had spent the next hour driving around
Eagle Harbor while trying to decide how to handle this situation. The trouble was, he still hadn’t come up
with a solution. When he finally spoke, he had no idea where the words came
from, because he hadn’t thought them out ahead of time.
“I don’t
appreciate you calling your mother about a decision like this without talking
to me first.”
The boy who had been
dreading this conversation, was glad it had finally begun. “You would have said
no.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“You know you would have.”
“Regardless of what I
would have said, if you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to act
like one. An adult doesn’t hide behind
his mother’s skirts when he needs to tell his father something.”
“I didn’t hide behind my
mother’s skirts!”
Johnny held up a hand to
indicate he wasn’t going to tolerate any yelling this evening.
“From my perspective you
did, but that’s beside the point. I’m gonna ask you a question, and I want an
honest answer.”
“Okay.”
Johnny gazed into the eyes
of the child he knew so well. Or at least until recently had known so well.
“Is this really what you
wanna do? Do you really wanna live with your mother and Franklin for the
summer?”
“Yeah, it’s really what I
wanna do. And...” the teen’s voice trailed off at the start of
a further confession.
“And what?”
“And...and I might wanna
live with them longer.”
Johnny’s eyes narrowed.
“How much longer?”
“Maybe...maybe all the way
through high school. And...and college,
too.” Trevor saw his father’s face darken so he rushed on. “They’ll pay for my
college if I live there with them. Mom said so. It won’t cost you a dime.”
“I’ve never cared that
your college education is going to cost me money. I’ve been saving for it since the day you were born.”
“I know. But it’ll be
easier for you this way.”
So you think, Johnny
thought with a sorrow so heavy he could no longer stand to be sitting across
from this boy he loved so much.
The fire chief stood.
“Clear the table and
then...then start packing. If you’re
gonna leave for New York on Saturday, you’d better take inventory of what you
wanna take with you and start getting your stuff together.”
“You mean I can go?”
“You keep telling me I
don’t treat you like you’re growing up. So now I am. Yes, you can go.”
Without another word
Johnny left the kitchen. Trevor didn’t turn around, but was able to track his
father’s movements nonetheless. He
heard the man walk through the great room, and then up the stairs. A few seconds later he heard his father’s
bedroom door close.
As Trevor picked up the
kitchen phone to call his mother and give her the news, he wasn’t sure why he
wasn’t experiencing the elation he thought he’d feel at the prospect of living
in New York.
Ashton answered the phone
on the fourth ring. Trevor could hear
his little sister playing with her nanny in the background.
“Mom?”
“Hi, Trev!”
“Hi. Listen, Pops. . .Pops said I could come. He
said I could stay for the summer and maybe...and maybe longer if I want to.
All...all the way through high school, and even through college.”
“Really? Oh, Trevor, that’s wonderful.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s the matter, honey?
You don’t sound very happy.”
Trevor glanced toward the
stairway and thought of the man who had retreated to his room and shut the
door, as though by doing that he could block out the decision his son had made.
“I...I’m happy.” Trevor
managed to put a smile in his voice when he assured, “I’m real happy. I’ll see
you on Saturday.”
“Yes, we’ll see you
Saturday. I’ll have your ticket waiting
for you in Anchorage, and I’ll e-mail you with the departure time and other
details just as soon as I get things squared away.”
“Okay.”
“Trevor, Franklin and I
are very happy you’re coming to live with us.”
Live. For the first time, Trevor realized how
permanent that sounded. This wasn’t just a two week visit like he’d been having
with his mother since he was three years old.
This was forever. Or at least it could be for the next eleven years
until he’d gotten through high school, college, and medical school, which to a
young man of fifteen seemed live forever.
“Trevor?”
“Yeah...yeah, Mom. I’m
happy, too. Thanks...thanks for letting me come.”
“You’re welcome. Bye,
sweetheart. I love you, Trev.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
Trevor hung up the phone and
spent the next fifteen minutes cleaning up the kitchen. When the dishwasher was cycling he made his
way up the stairs. He hesitated a long
moment before knocking softly on his father’s closed bedroom door. He heard the
man’s, “What?”
“Pops, can I come in?”
“Not now, Trev. I’m
tired.”
“But it’s only eight
o’clock.”
“I know, but I’m tired,”
came the answer that was muffled by the barrier the thick oak door made.
“Just for a minute. I just
wanna talk to you and explain—“
“Trevor, I’m tired, and
I’ve gotta be at a Police and Fire Commission breakfast meeting at six-thirty
tomorrow morning.”
Until now, there had never
been a time in Trevor’s life when he hadn’t been granted admittance into his
father’s room, no matter what the hour, or how early the man had to get up the
next morning.
“Oh. Oh...okay. Well,
goodnight then.”
“Goodnight.”
The boy waited a full
minute, and when still no invitation was issued to enter his father’s room, he
turned and walked away with his head bowed.
_____________________
Libby,
I’m going to live with my
mom. It all happened pretty fast. Pops
didn’t even fight me on it. He said I
could go and that I’d better start packing.
I guess he’s glad to finally have me out of his hair.
Trevor
Trevor’s plane
departed from Anchorage at nine on Saturday morning. Johnny was off-duty that weekend, and had arranged for his deputy
chief to come in at noon on Friday so he could leave work early. John hadn’t
told anyone about Trevor’s impending departure from Eagle Harbor, but he knew
word had gotten around. Before he’d
left for work on Wednesday morning, Johnny had made it clear to Trevor that he
had an obligation to speak face to face with Sebastian and Gus in order to let
both men know he wasn’t going to be available for the jobs he’d committed to.
“Your
mother might allow you to hide behind her, but you’re not gonna hide behind
me. I expect you to talk to Sebastian
and Gus today, and let them know you’re breaking your promise to them.”
Trevor had
been in bed at six on Wednesday morning when Johnny held that conversation with
him from the doorway of the teen’s bedroom.
“I’m not
breaking any promise,” the tousle-headed boy had argued.
“Yes, you
are. When you committed to summer work,
in effect, you made a promise. It was your promise, so now it’s up to you to
break it. I’m not doin’ your dirty work for you.”
“Pops—“
“Today,
Trevor. I expect you to talk to both of them today.”
“Fine! I will!”
And so,
with that early morning conversation, the tone was set for the last three days
the Gage men spent together. Words
spoken in anger alternated with stone cold silence, until finally noontime on
Friday arrived, meaning Johnny was leaving the station to go home and pick up
his son. They would be on the road to
Anchorage by one, and spend the night in a hotel in the city. After Trevor caught his plane on Saturday
morning Johnny would head back to Eagle Harbor alone.
Because Sebastian
was Carl Mjtko’s cousin, and because as the chief of police there was little
that went on in Eagle Harbor that Carl didn’t know about, the man was aware
Trevor was leaving for New York seven weeks earlier than previously scheduled.
Sebastian had also told Carl that Trevor had said something about staying in
New York for “quite a while.” Whatever that meant, Carl knew it wasn’t
good. His best friend hadn’t been
himself since Tuesday afternoon. John had barely said a word since that time,
and he’d remained holed up in his office, which was so out of character for
John Gage that even the newest members of the police and fire departments had
noticed it and were commenting on it.
“Isn’t
Chief feeling good?” Carl had heard one
young man remark.
“I don’t
know,” another one had answered. “But he’s sure been quiet this week. He’s been that way on and off for about a
month now.”
“Wonder
what’s goin’ on?”
“Beats
me.”
Carl had
kept his concerns for John to himself until he spotted the man walking out to
his vehicle a couple of minutes after twelve on Friday. The police chief left his office, jogging
down the hallway and out the back door.
“John!
Hey, John!”
Johnny
stopped, as he was about to climb in the Durango.
When Carl
was standing next to his friend, he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m
fine.”
“Sebastian
told me Trevor’s going to New York for the summer?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And
Trevor’s going to New York for the summer.”
Johnny slipped behind the wheel of the Durango. “Listen, Carl, I gotta
go. We’re leaving for Anchorage in an
hour. Trevor’s flyin’ out at nine
tomorrow morning.”
“John—“
Johnny interrupted his
friend. “I’m off for the weekend so
I’ll see you on Monday. Maybe I’ll be in
Sunday for a while. Once Trevor’s gone I won’t have much to do at ho...” Johnny
paused, as though that thought was too painful to complete. “I might be in on
Sunday.”
Before Carl could reply
Johnny started the Durango, said, “See ya’,” and drove the vehicle out of the
parking lot.
Carl stood there a long
moment, only breaking his gaze from the path the Durango had taken when he felt
someone standing at his elbow. Johnny’s deputy chief, Phil Marceau, was looking in
the same direction Carl had been.
“Things aren’t good at
home for him right now,” Phil stated with a certainty that let Carl know he had
heard the rumors, too.
“No, they’re not.”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t really know. But whatever it is, it’s tearing him
apart. Trevor’s his whole life, you
know.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I just wish Trevor knew
it, Phil.” Carl shook his head in a cross between sorrow and frustration as he
started walking toward the station. “I
just wish Trevor knew it.”
_____________________
This was
the second time in recent weeks that Trevor had made a long road trip with his
father in complete silence. They were
always teased because of how talkative they both were under normal
circumstances. Trevor supposed people
who knew them well, like Clarice and Carl, and like Uncle Roy and Aunt Joanne,
would find it impossible to believe that Trevor and his father could ride
together in a vehicle for ten hours without saying anything to one
another. But, that’s exactly how this
trip unfolded.
Leaving
Eagle Harbor hadn’t been as easy as Trevor had thought it would be. Sebastian had been angry with him for
quitting his job on such short notice. Trevor had been scheduled to start
working for the man on Thursday morning, and Sebastian let the teenager know he
didn’t find this sudden change of heart to be the sign of a responsible young
man. Kylee had cried and begged him not
to go. His other friends were sad to see him go as well, though several of
them, like Connor and Jake, thought living in New York sounded pretty cool. Gus hadn’t been angry with Trevor, for which
the teen was grateful. Gus had even
told Trevor he’d always have a job with him, no matter how far he traveled from
Eagle Harbor, or how long it might be before he returned.
“But I’m
not sure I’m coming back, Gus,” Trevor had said to the man on Wednesday
afternoon while they sat together in Gus’s messy office at the little airport.
Gus had
smiled and winked like he knew some secret Trevor wasn’t privy too. “You’ll be back.”
“How do
you know?”
“Because Alaska
is in your blood, boy. In the long run,
you won’t be happy anywhere else.”
“I think
I’ll be happy in New York. I’ve been
there before, you know.”
“I
know. But goin’ there for a visit is a
lot different from goin’ there to live.”
“Maybe.”
“Trust old
Gus on this one, Trevor. You’ll be
back. Besides, what would your pops do
without you?”
Trevor scowled. “He’ll be
fine without me.”
“I wouldn’t bet money on
that if I was you, Trev. But, you go
ahead and spread your wings. Never
hurts a young man to see what the grass is like on the other side of the
fence. That’s what it takes sometimes,
for a boy your age to discover where home really is.”
“New York
can be my home just as easily as Eagle Harbor can be.”
Gus had
laughed at that remark, but made no direct comment to it, leaving Trevor unsure
as to what was so funny. The pilot stood and walked Trevor to the door while
telling him goodbye and wishing him good luck.
The
journey to Anchorage was a long one.
They’d stopped once to eat, and once to put gas in the Land Rover. By
the time Trevor and his father were settled in their hotel room for the night
it was eleven forty-five. Whenever
they’d shared a hotel room in the past during a trip, Pops had always sprung
for snacks from hallway vending machines, and they’d laid in their beds
watching TV. Oftentimes they even took a late night dip in the hotel’s swimming
pool, which had always been fun, because due to the hour, it was completely
empty of any other patrons. But that
last night father and son were together, the simple things they’d enjoyed in
the past appeared to be over. Johnny
stripped down to his boxers and climbed in one bed, while Trevor did the same
and climbed into the other.
The only
thing Johnny said to his son was, “Make sure the alarm is set for six. We’ll
have to be out of here by seven if we’re gonna eat breakfast before you catch
your plane.”
“Pops?“
Johnny was
already under the covers with his back to his son.
“What?”
Trevor
looked around the dim room. The only
light came from the lamp that sat on the nightstand between the two double
beds.
“Doncha’...uh...doncha’
wanna watch some TV with me?”
“No. No
TV. It’s late and I’m tired.”
“Pops—“
came the entreaty that practically begged Johnny to open up and talk to the
boy, who simply wanted some assurances that leaving Eagle Harbor, and his
father, was the right thing to do.
“Look,
you’ve been telling me for six months now that I’m old. Well, okay, I am. I’m an old man and I’m tired.
We have to be up early. Shut the
light off and let’s get some sleep.”
Trevor
stared at is father’s back while shaking his head. “You don’t even care, do
you?”
“Care
about what? Watching TV? No, I don’t
care about watching TV right at this moment.”
“No, not
about watching TV.”
“Then
what?”
“Never
mind,” Trevor snapped. “I got my answer.”
“Good,
then shut off the light.”
“Fine. I
will.”
Trevor did
as his father instructed, then burrowed beneath his own covers. Unbeknownst to one
another, father and son laid awake a long time that night. Trevor was certain
that after fifteen years of single parenthood ,his father was happy to be on
the brink of release from that responsibility, while Johnny just wanted to wrap
his son in his arms and never let him go. But, because John and Trevor Gage
were cut from the same cloth in so many ways, both were too stubborn to talk
this situation out, or admit their hurts and uncertainties over Trevor’s
decision. A few short hours later, the alarm was ringing, signaling the start
of the day in which Trevor Roy Gage would leave the man who had raised him.
_____________________
The last
thing Johnny wanted to happen on the morning Trevor was leaving him was to get
in an argument with his son. But
despite the fire chief’s resolve, that’s exactly what occurred. How it started, or why, Johnny wasn’t
sure. Later, he would look back and
realize they were both tired and under stress. However, at that time, all
Johnny saw was the son he cherished wanting to flee his presence as quickly as
possible. Somehow the issue of college
came up at breakfast, and all it took was for Trevor to mention once again that
Ashton and Franklin were going to pay for his college education if he stayed in
New York. Before the comment in
response was out of Johnny’s mouth, he knew he shouldn’t say it, but the hurt
he was feeling was too overwhelming, and he could no longer listen to the
common sense that was telling him to keep quiet.
“Sounds
like a bribe if you ask me,” Johnny said as he took a bite of his eggs.
Trevor
glared at his father from across the table.
At this early hour on a Saturday morning, the hotel’s dining room was
empty with the exception of Johnny and Trevor, and then an elderly couple in a
booth that was tucked in a far back corner.
“It’s not
a bribe.”
“I never
said it was. I just said it sounded
like one.”
“Well,
it’s not.”
“So you
say.”
“What’s
that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.
Forget it.”
“No, I’m
not gonna forget it.”
“Trevor
Roy, I’m gettin’ tired of telling you to watch your tone of voice. And I said, forget it. Just drop it.”
“You’re
jealous, aren’t you?”
“Jealous
of what?”
“Of
Mom. You’re jealous ‘cause Mom makes
more money than you do.”
“I am not,”
Johnny denied of one problem that had, in truth, been a negative factor in his
relationship with Ashton.
“Yes, you
are. You’re jealous ‘cause she’s a
doctor and you’re just a fireman.”
In all his
years as Trevor’s father, Johnny had never been just a fireman to his
son. He’d been what every father wanted
to be to his boy – a hero. And certainly being a hero in Trevor’s eyes was a
direct result of the line of work Johnny did on a daily basis. But now he heard the disdain in the boy’s
voice, as though when comparing Johnny’s career to Ashton’s, Johnny ended up so
far out in left field that he had no hope of seeing the pitcher’s mound, let
alone home plate.
“Trevor—“
“That’s
exactly what your problem is,” Trevor said. He lashed out, giving no thought to
his words, for the same reason his father had given no thought to his words a
few seconds earlier. “Mom went to college and you didn’t. Mom’s a doctor. Everyone in New York knows
her. A lot of doctors around the world know her. She’s written papers,
and given lectures, and taught classes, and—“
“Yes, I know what you mother has done.”
“So?”
“So what?
“What have
you done that even comes close to comparing to that?”
Trevor threw his cloth
napkin down on the table before his father could answer. He stomped out of the restaurant and headed
for the Land Rover.
Johnny watched his son
go. When he saw Trevor get in the
vehicle and slam the door, he put his fork down and pushed the plate aside that
still contained three quarters of his breakfast. He cradled his forehead in his right hand and thought in response
to his son’s question, What have I done?
What I’ve done is love you, is take care of you, is provide a good home
for you, build my whole life around you. Until today, I always thought that was
enough. Until today, I never thought I
could give you anything, anything at all, that was more important to you than
those things, that was more important to you than your father’s love. But I
guess I was wrong.
Johnny
wiped the pain from his features before he stood to pay the bill. When he arrived at the Land Rover, Trevor
refused to acknowledge him. The teenager stared out the passenger side window,
while Johnny started the vehicle and backed it out of the parking space.
_____________________
Johnny
supposed it was just as well that he and Trevor didn’t have the opportunity to
talk once they reached the airport. By
the time Trevor’s luggage had been checked in and he’d gotten his ticket from
the United Airlines counter, an announcement came over the PA system that his
plane was boarding. Johnny walked with
his son to the mouth of the concourse.
They looked at one another with an awkwardness and uncertainty that had
never before been a part of their relationship. It was Johnny who finally broke the silence between them.
“Behave
yourself.”
“I will.”
“Be
careful.”
“I will.”
“Call me
when you get there.”
“Okay.”
“If
you...if you change your mind at any time and wanna come back, let me know and
I’ll—“
“I’m not
gonna change my mind,” Trevor declared with a sharp-edged vehemence. “I’m not
coming back.”
Johnny
gave a slow nod of his head. “All
right.”
“Tell...tell
Clarice I said goodbye.”
“I will,”
Johnny promised.
When the
announcement was made for the final boarding, Trevor turned to go. Johnny
grabbed his son and spun him around. He enfolded the boy in his arms and kissed
the top of his head. It wasn’t lost on the man that the hug wasn’t
returned. As soon as Johnny released
him, Trevor said a quick, “See ya’, Pops,” and disappeared down the concourse
without looking back.
John Gage
stood at the wide picture window and watched until Trevor’s plane took
off. Long after the 747 had disappeared
amongst the clouds, Johnny remained staring after it, as though he could will
his son to return to him. As the waiting area began to fill with people
preparing to board another flight, John turned and walked away. He got in the Land Rover and drove back to
Eagle Harbor alone.
As he’d
told Carl he might, Johnny ended up at the fire station on Sunday. After eating breakfast and taking care of
the animals, he had nothing else to do at home, and the house was too quiet for
his liking. Even Boys in Bondage
blaring from Trevor’s stereo would have been welcome when compared to the house
devoid of the young man who had brought so much life to it.
Johnny
returned home at four o’clock that afternoon.
He took a ride on his horse, Omaha, and then did the necessary
chores. After Johnny had washed up at
the laundry room sink, he warmed his supper in the microwave and ate it in
front of the television set, something he hadn’t done since before he and
Ashton had moved in together. Which, to the fire chief, only further emphasized
that he was living alone again for the first time in over twenty years.
Johnny had
just deposited his dirty dishes in the dishwasher when the phone rang. He picked up the portable in the kitchen,
not able to quell the rush of anticipation that came when he thought this might
be Trevor. His son had called as
promised after he’d arrived in New York on Saturday, but the call had been made
from Ashton’s BMW on her cell phone, and the connection had been poor. Not to mention that Trevor hadn’t been
interested in saying more than, “I got here okay,” before turning the phone
over to his mother, who assured Johnny that Trevor had arrived safely and all
was well. They were in a rush because they
were taking Trevor to dinner and had tickets to see a play.
He just
got off the plane and already he’s being wined and dined, had been Johnny’s
bitter thoughts as he broke the connection with Ashton.
The fire
chief tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice when his Sunday evening
caller wasn’t Trevor, but instead, was Roy DeSoto.
“Johnny?”
Johnny
walked over to the kitchen table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. “Hi, Roy.”
“Hi,
yourself. Listen...are you...Johnny,
are you okay?”
“Yeah.
Why?”
“Libby...uh...Trevor’s
told Libby some...some things recently in the e-mails he’s sent her.”
“Oh. Like
what a rotten father I am? Or how I’m so old someone might as well put me in a
grave and throw dirt on top of me? Or how I’m too strict and won’t let him do
all the things his friends’ parents let them do?”