PRECIOUS CARGO

 

By: Kenda

 

When I Fall In Love, It Will Be Forever

                               

(Prologue)

 

 

     A mother cannot possibly be made to feel a pain any harsher, than that which is inflicted upon her child.  It doesn't matter if that child's a little boy of four, or a grown man of forty, as my son was that January day in 1990, when one hideous act of violence changed his life forever. 

 

     It seems as though I spent that entire winter praying.  First praying that my youngest would be safely returned to me.  Then, in turn, praying for the healing of his many injuries.  And not just the injuries of a physical nature, but as well, the injuries that he kept buried deep within himself.  The emotional wounds that lashed his soul and cut his heart in a way no belt or knife ever could.      

 

     When it became apparent to me that neither Rick nor I were able to completely offer A.J. the help he needed to heal his inner turmoil, I did the hardest thing of all.  I prayed that someone else would be sent to give him the comfort he was so desperately seeking.  And someone else was.  Janet.

 

      And now, almost five years later, A.J. is having a hard time understanding why a marriage that had once been so full of happiness, has ended in failure.  With all the wisdom my seventy years on this earth has afforded me, I smile softly and assure him he hasn't failed at anything.  That everything happens for a reason, and the important thing to remember is that there was a good reason why he and Janet came together in the first place.  They both helped each other mend some terrible inner scars.  They both helped each other through some very difficult times.   They both desperately needed one another. 

 

     As far as this mother is concerned, there's nothing wrong with that.   

 

 

Chapter 1

 

 

 

     Rick has always accused me of having a sixth sense where he and his brother are concerned.  Of having the ability to know when Rick's lying to me, no matter how skillful he might be at pulling his fibs off on anyone else.  Or having the ability to know when A.J.'s charming me to get his way...to no avail, no matter how successful that charm might work for him with any other woman in his life.  And, of having the ability to know when one of them is hurting inside, even while that son tries so hard to hide his pain from me. 

 

     I stood back those early months of 1990, and watched as A.J. did just that.  Concealed the anguish he was feeling over Erika Garcia's murder from both his brother and me.  Kept the guilt he was wearing like a scarlet letter covered up as best he could, in order to keep it hidden from those who loved him.

 

     It's funny how a little distance, and a little time, will put things into such an unclouded perspective.  What seemed like nothing but a muddy, murky pond that winter, is now as clean and clear as a rushing mountain stream.  If only I'd been able to see it then. 

 

     I was well aware that my oldest son was concealing a good deal of guilt of his own surrounding the Garcia case.  I had attempted to get him to talk about it on several occasions, but my Rick has never been one to discuss the things that hurt him the most.  Even I, his mother, can't change that fact about him.

 

     Now I understand completely why my sons weren't able to help each other through this trying time, and why things ended up as they did in regards to the closing of their business.  It's as simple as this.  They weren't able to help themselves, so how in the world could they help each other?   They were both so lost and adrift.   For the first time in their shared lives together, each was truly alone. 

 

     I suppose this is why when A.J. showed up at my house that day in late April, I wasn't overly shocked at what he wanted to tell me.

 

     It was shortly before six o'clock.  I was sitting on the couch watching the evening news when the doorbell rang.  I reached for the remote and shut the TV off. 

 

     I looked through the peephole before opening the door and greeting him with a hug. 

 

"Hi, honey.  To what do I owe this pleasure on a Monday evening?"

 

     He bent and kissed my cheek.  "Nothing special.  I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

 

     Trying not to be obvious about it, I studied my youngest as he walked over and pulled a chair out from the dining room table.  He took off his sport coat, hung it over the back of the chair, and sat down.

 

     I had been so worried about him throughout the trial.   I cried inside for him those two long weeks he was forced to relive the three terrible days in January he and Erika were held captive by the Conquistadores.¢   He'd been so withdrawn and quiet.  I hadn't missed the signs of massive fatigue either, that shadowed his eyes with dark circles, and seemed to drain his face of all color. 

 

     He looked better now.  Still tired, but better.  As if somewhere within this tragedy that had been thrust upon us, he'd found a new lease on life.

 

     I teased him as I pulled out a seat and joined him. "You're 'nothing special' must be pretty serious if we have to do our talking at the dining room table."

 

     He smiled back at me.  "Well...I suppose it's somewhat serious, but not in a bad way.  Actually, you'll probably be glad to hear it."

 

     "Good," I stated brightly.  "Your mother's ready for some news she'll be glad to hear."

 

     The comment was meant to be taken lightly, but that fact was lost on A.J.  His eyes clouded over with unjust incrimination.  "I know you are," he said softly.  "And you certainly deserve some."

 

     I reached over and touched his hand.  "Honey, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything by that."

 

     He gave me a little smile of understanding.  "I know you didn't, Mom.   Don't worry about it."

 

     He seemed to be having a hard time getting started, so I helped him out.  "Just what is it you need to talk to me about, A.J.?"

 

     He hesitated a full ten seconds before answering. 

 

"I...I've decided not to be a private investigator any longer."

 

     Of course, I didn't have to ask what caused him to make such a decision.   "I see," I slowly nodded.  "So does this mean you're dissolving your business partnership with your brother as well?"

 

     His eyes left me and settled on the china cabinet, as if he couldn't look at me when he said, "Yes...yes it does."

 

     "Does Rick know?"

 

     He focused back on my face and nodded.  "Yes.  I told him last Friday."

 

     "What did he say?"

 

     "He...didn't really say anything.  Only that he'd stand by whatever decision I had to make."

 

     Now that surprised me.  I thought for sure Rick would use every tactic available to talk A.J. out of leaving the business.  It only emphasized to me how guilty my oldest was feeling.  Guilty enough not to give his younger brother any grief whatsoever about decisions made that were related to the Garcia case.  And I had no doubt that's the only thing this particular decision was related to.

 

     "Honey...remember when I told you that a decision such as this can only be made when plenty of time has passed and you're looking at it from the proper perspective?"

 

     I was immediately sorry for having brought the memory up of the teenage boy A.J. accidentally shot in an alley several years earlier while he and Rick were on a case.  Though the boy lived without any long term ill-effects, A.J.’s, "Yes," was sad and full of regret.

 

     I reached over and took one of his hands in mine.  "It's just...you and your brother have been a big part of each other's lives for a long time now.  That business has meant the world to you.  To both of you.    I just need to make sure this is what you really want."

 

     The sorrow in his eyes was so plain to see. 

 

"It's what I want, Mom.  I can't deny the business hasn't been good to me over the years...but it's been hard on me, too.  You know that.  I won't put myself through another case like...like Erika's again.  I can't, Mom.  I just...can't."

 

     I could hear the tightness in his throat, and his eyes were suddenly too bright.  As if unshed tears were being held at bay.  I let go of his hand and cupped his cheek.  "I know, sweetheart.  I know."

 

     He bowed his head for a long moment.  When he looked up at me again the despair from seconds earlier was receding. 

 

"I want you to know the same thing I told Rick - that I've given this a lot of thought.  That it hasn't been a decision I've made lightly.  I'm well aware that it doesn't just affect me, but that it affects Rick, too.  That's what's made it all the more difficult."

 

     "I'm sure it has," I agreed, knowing how A.J. must have agonized over this decision that would ultimately force Rick to make some hard decisions of his own.

 

     "Will your brother keep the business going by himself?"

 

     He shook his head.  "I don't think so.  As of right now he says he's not going to.  But as far as what he is going to do, he doesn't know yet.  Nor would I expect him to.  I told Rick I'd remain in the business until he's ready to...start something new."

 

     I nodded my agreement.  I thought that sounded like a good idea.  And I was glad to hear that Rick didn't want to keep the business going on his own.  Often times the job was too dangerous for two men as far as I was concerned, let alone one.  And I'm only speaking of those times I know about it.  I shudder at the thought of how many hazardous situations my sons have found themselves in over the years that they neglected to mention to me.

 

     "Rick's resourceful," I stated with pride. "Probably more so than he gives himself credit for.  Given enough time to ponder all this, I'm sure he'll come up with something he wants to do."

 

     "I'm sure he will, too," A.J. smiled.  "And I'll help him in any way I can."

 

     "I know you will," I smiled in return, proud of the strong love that existed between the two boys I'd raised.  "Speaking of things your brother wants to do, just what are you planning to do?"  I asked.  I wasn't too surprised by the answer I received.

 

     "I'm headed back to school in June to brush up on my law classes.  I'm going to try my hand at that career you were so mad at me for giving up seventeen years ago."

 

     "Honey, that's wonderful," I gushed.  "I have a feeling you'll make a terrific attorney."

 

     "I don't know about that, Mom, but I'm going to give it a shot.  I have to admit, the thought of it is rather exciting, but kind of scary, too."

 

     "Change is always a little bit of both those things," I agreed.  "But I know you'll do wonderfully."

 

     We talked about his plans for school, not only for the

summer session, but, as well, for the fall semester. 

 

     When I had asked every question I could think to ask and then some, I invited him to stay for dinner.  

 

     "If you're sure it's no trouble." 

 

     "Since when has making dinner for my sons been trouble?"

 

     He laughed as he rose to follow me into the kitchen.  "Just let me give Janet a call.  She was expecting me to come by her condo after I left here."

 

     I began pulling things out of the refrigerator while A.J. used the kitchen phone to call Janet. 

 

     It became swiftly apparent from A.J.'s side of the conversation that Janet knew exactly what he had come over to tell me.  Now that wasn't necessarily wrong, or a bad thing, I just wondered as to how much influence she'd had over this decision.  If any.

 

     It also became more apparent to me than it previously had been, that the feelings between the couple were rapidly escalating.  I could hear it in the tenderness of his voice, and the gentle way he chuckled over something she'd said.  I could hear the concern and love when he told her to be careful driving home in rush hour traffic.  I could hear the eager anticipation of seeing her later in the evening when he told her he'd stop by her place after he left mine.

 

     After A.J. said his goodbyes to Janet he joined me at the sink.  I put him to work peeling carrots for a salad while I washed and shredded lettuce. 

 

     "A.J.," I said as I studiously went about my task.  "If what I'm about to ask is none of my business, feel free to tell me.   Okay?"

 

     He looked over at me and smiled with puzzlement. 

 

"Okay...whatever you say."

 

     I didn't look up at him, but rather kept shredding lettuce into salad bowls.  "Just how serious are things between you and Janet?"

 

     "Well...I've always wanted to date a woman who owns a BMW."

 

     I looked up at him, then gave his arm a little stinging slap with my hand when I saw his twinkling eyes. 

 

"Oh, you.  You and Rick are just like your father used to be.  I can't get a straight answer from either one of you."

 

     A.J. laughed at me, then bent and kissed my cheek in way of apology.  This was one time his charm tactics worked.

 

     I wasn't quite willing to let the subject drop there, however.  "So, is it serious?"

 

     He chuckled at my tenacity, before concentrating on peeling the carrots once more.  "I...yes, it's serious."

 

     "Serious enough that you two have talked marriage?"

 

     He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes.  I think he was taken aback by my perceptiveness.   "Yes, we've...we’ve talked about it."

 

     Because I'm his mother, and marriage is not to be taken lightly, I felt it was my obligation to remind him of a few things. 

 

"You and Janet had your share of challenges the last time you were serious."

 

     "Yes, we did," he readily acknowledged.  "But that was a long time ago.  We've both got a number of years of experience under our belts when it comes to serious relationships and what they entail."

 

     "That you do."  

 

     "I think we both know ourselves...and each other, a lot better than we did all those years ago in Florida.  As well as having a better idea of what we each want out of life, and whether or not those wants can mesh easily into a life together."

 

     "That's good.  Those things are important," I agreed once again.  "And Rick?  Where does Rick fit into this picture, son?"

 

     He gave me a sly smile.  "If you mean am I planning on taking him along on my honeymoon, the answer is definitely no."

 

     I swatted his arm once again.  "Andrew!  You know perfectly well what I mean.  If you and Janet do marry, she's not only gaining a husband, and a mother-in-law, but she's also gaining a brother-in-law.  A rather...unorthodox brother-in-law, who also happens to be the oldest son I love very much.  A potential brother-in-law she once accused of being a Peter Pan.  You and I both know not a lot has changed in regards to your brother's personality since that time."

 

     "I know.  But things have changed between Rick and Janet over the years.  They've become good friends."

 

     I nodded, but didn't say what I was thinking.  That sometimes good friends do not good in-laws make.

 

     "I have no doubt Rick loves her as a friend," A.J. told me.  "And will love her as a sister, as well, if it comes to that.  And Janet loves him too, Mom.  She really does.  Like I said, things have changed since the three of us were in Florida.  To a certain extent we're all different people.  The passing years have done each of us some good."

 

     I simply nodded my head once again in agreement with what he'd just said, letting the subject drop there.  I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out three tomatoes and a cucumber.

 

     "Mom?"

 

     I looked up into anxious blue eyes.

     "Yes, son?"

 

     "You'll be happy if there comes a day when I do tell you Janet and I are getting married...won't you?"

 

     I didn't want A.J. to think for one second that I wouldn't be overjoyed for him if he told me such news.  Or that there was some underlying meaning to the conversation we’d just had that I wasn't revealing to him, because there wasn't.  I had just wanted to make sure that he and Janet had thought things through.

     I held my arms out to him, encircling the waist that had been too thin ever since January.  "Oh, honey, of course I'll be happy.  As a matter of fact, I'll be thrilled!  I'll even put an immediate order in for three grandchildren that I can spoil the dickens out of.  No, make that four."

 

     I felt his chest move with his laughter.  His arms held me snugly to his body. 

 

"I'm glad you'll be happy.  And about those four grandchildren?"

 

     I looked up, expecting to see exaggerated mortification on his face.  Instead, I was greeted by a big smile of delight. 

 

     "Sounds darn good to me, Grandma."

 

     I chuckled right along with him as I hugged him once more. 

 

     It's so good to hear him laugh again, I recall thinking as he held me.  After all he's been through he deserves every ounce of happiness that comes his way.  Thank you, Janet, for making my boy smile again.

 

 

Chapter 2

 

 

     It was four short weeks later, the Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend, that my doorbell rang again.  This time it was eight-thirty in the morning.  I had just returned from my daily three mile walk with some other ladies from my neighborhood and was headed up to shower.

 

     Again I looked out the peephole, and once again it was A.J. standing on the other side. 

 

     I opened the door to let him in. "Hi, hon--"

 

     Before I could finish the greeting he had me up off the ground and twirled me around the living room.

 

     "A.J.!  A.J. have you lost your--"

 

     His grin went from ear to ear.  "She said yes, Mom.  She said yes!"

 

     I didn't need to ask who had said yes to what.  His smile said it all.  I laughed at him from where I still hung suspended in the air.  "And did you think she'd say anything but yes?"

 

     Gently, I was deposited on my feet.  He gave his shoulders a sheepish little shrug.  "Well...a man never quite knows when he asks a question like that."

 

     I reached out and gave him a congratulatory hug.  "She'd have been six ways a fool had she told you no."

 

     He rolled his eyes in an expression that said, ‘Of course that's what you'd say.  You're my mother.’

 

     I took his hand and led him over to the couch.  "Have you set a date yet?"

 

     "Yes," he nodded.   "September 8th."

 

     "Good," I stated, already mentally putting the affair together.  "That's over a year away.  That will give us plenty of time--"

 

     "Mom...Mom," A.J. interrupted my musings.  "Not September 8th of next year.  September 8th of this year."

 

     "This year?  This year!  A.J., that's only three months away!"

 

     He laughed at the horror in my voice.  "I know it is.  But Janet doesn't want anything big and pretentious.  She wants to keep things small and quiet."

 

     Small would be hard enough to handle.   But quiet?  The Simons?  Never. 

 

     I immediately changed my battle plan and began preparing myself for a wedding that would take place in just three month's time. 

 

"First we'll have to decide how many people you're going to invite.   Then we'll have to talk about who you'd like to cater it, and what type of food we should--"

 

     A.J. held up his hands.  "Whoa, Mom.  Whoa.  I'm staying out of all this.  Janet's coming over here this weekend so you and she can discuss those things together."

 

     That sounded fine to me and I told him as much.  I was looking forward to finally having another woman in the family to plan such affairs with.

 

     "There's only one request I'd like to make if you don't have any objections," he stated.

 

     I looked up at him and smiled.  "What is it, honey?"

 

     "I'd like for us to be married right here.  In the backyard.  It would mean a lot to me."

 

     Tears welled up in my eyes.  "Oh, sweetheart, it would mean a lot to me, too."

 

     "Hey, there," he soothed, while putting an arm around my shoulders.  "Don't cry.  You aren't supposed to cry."

 

     With the sleeve of my sweatshirt I wiped at my eyes.  "I'm just so happy for you, A.J."

 

     He pulled me against his chest.  "I know, Mom.  I'm happy too."

 

     And he was.  I could hear it in his voice and see it in his smile.  Any qualms I had about this wedding date being set just a little too quickly after Janet's divorce I pushed to the back of my mind.  Yes, I'll admit I was somewhat concerned.   I had been since early March when I'd seen this relationship growing more and more serious with each passing day.   Concerned that when enough time had gone by for both Janet and A.J. to get past the individual wounds that were still so raw, they might discover they weren't right for each other after all.  I wasn't sure if a love born of pain and tragedy was a love that was meant to last.  On the other hand, a love such as that might turn out to be the strongest love of all.  Who was I to say? 

 

     And it wasn't like A.J. and Janet were young kids anymore.  He'd be forty-one that July, she had turned thirty-eight in February.   I hardly thought for one minute that either of them had taken this decision lightly.  As A.J. had told me in my kitchen a month earlier, they both had a number of years experience under their belts in regards to what makes a relationship work.  

 

     For just a brief second I pondered bringing all this up.  Pondered asking A.J. outright if the excitement of a new love and marriage enabled him to better hide from the pain Erika's death had been drowning him in.  But then I looked up at his face.  And in that moment I saw the eyes shining with joy, and the smile that told me how much he loved her.  I saw in him once again, the spark of life that had been missing since January.  The spark of life that Rick and I had been unable to help him find, no matter how hard we tried. 

 

     And in that moment of seeing all those things, I decided any concerns I had were best left unvoiced.  He loved her with all his heart, just like I knew she loved him.  If that was good enough for them, then it was good enough for me.

 

     The hard part that morning was when A.J. was forced to tell me he and Janet would be moving to Seattle right after the wedding.  I didn't expect that, and when it came it was a shock.  I knew I'd miss him terribly.  He and I had spent so many years together after his father died and Rick left home, just the two of us, that a special bond had formed between us that didn't exist between Rick and myself - or at least not in quite the same way.

 

     This time the tears I shed weren't tears of joy, but rather tears of sorrow over all that was rapidly changing.  A.J. hugged me once again, begging me not to cry.  Telling me Seattle wasn't really all that far away, and that we'd see each other several times a year. 

 

     After being used to seeing him several times a week ever since he and Rick had returned from Florida ten years earlier, I wanted to say several times a year wasn't good enough, but I didn't.  I didn't want to make this any harder on him than it already was. 

 

     And again, for a just a moment, I was tempted to ask A.J. if by getting married and leaving San Diego, he was attempting to run away from the bad things that had so recently happened to him here.  But I didn't.  Though I must admit now I wish I would have.  If nothing else it would have been fuel for thought. 

 

     I wiped my tears that day and resolved not to focus on the move to Seattle, but rather to focus on planning a wedding.  Finally, one of my sons was getting married.  I have to admit that at this point in time I had no regrets over the fact that the boys were getting out of the P.I. business.  Yes, I was sad that they would no longer be in business together, that fact being brought home even more so by the impending move of my youngest.  Nonetheless, I had spent a lot of years blaming their irregular hours, unorthodox and often dangerous work, as being the cause of my lack of daughter-in-laws and grandchildren.  It was asking a lot of any woman to sit home alone night after night, and quite often on weekends, while her husband breaks into an office building, or runs a scam that could wind him up in a jail cell, all in the name of his career.

 

     A.J. left at nine-fifteen that day, saying he had to get to the office because Rick would be wondering where he was.  It was then that I realized he hadn't told Rick about the engagement yet.

 

     I walked him to the door.  "Do you think your brother will be surprised?"             

 

     "Let's put it this way, Mom," he smiled knowingly.  "About as surprised as you were."

 

     "Then I take it he doesn't know anything about the move yet either?"

 

     His face darkened a bit with regret.  "No...he doesn't."

 

     I hugged him.  "I doubt if he'll ever tell you this, A.J., but he'll miss you terribly."

 

     His arms wrapped around me as his cheek came to rest upon my hair.  "I'll miss him too, Mom.  It's not going to be easy at first.  For as much as Rick can drive me completely crazy sometimes...well, you know how much he means to me."

 

     I looked up at him and smiled softly.  "I know, sweetheart.  I know.  And you mean the world to him, too."

 

     "I just hope..."

 

     He let that thought trail off there.

 

     "You just hope what, honey?"

 

     "I hope he's not so upset that he won't be my best man."

 

     "Oh, Andrew Jackson Simon, don't you so much as think such a thing.  That isn't even a remote possibility."

 

     He didn't look like he believed me.  "I sure hope you're right."

 

     I shooed him out the door that day while telling him to get such a silly notion right out of his head.  That even if he didn't know it, I could assure him that he wouldn't be getting married without Rick at his side.

 

     The Camaro wasn't even out of the driveway before I was on the phone to Janet.  First we cried, then we laughed.  Then we made plans for her to arrive at my house early Saturday morning to discuss the wedding. 

 

     I'd been waiting for this moment for so long, that when I finally hung up from Janet I spent the next hour and a half calling four friends and two sisters-in-law to whom I was especially close.  It was after eleven before I finally got upstairs to shower that day.  When I did, I was amused, and somewhat embarrassed, to find myself humming, Here Comes The Bride.

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

 

     There's nothing like planning a wedding on only three month's notice to make a summer seem to end before it even begins.  Not to mention all the other activity that was going on within my family.

 

     It seemed as though everyone who had ever done business with Simon and Simon Investigations wanted to give my sons one more job before they closed the office for good.  Every company the boys did employee background checks for, and every prominent couple they provided security for at parties, had them working overtime that summer.  And that doesn't even begin to cover the multitude of other jobs that came their way.  It got to be so ridiculous, Rick jokingly commented that they should have announced they were going out of business three years earlier.  Had they done that, he was sure they would have made a bundle of money by now.

 

     When it reached the point they were putting in sixty hour work weeks in July, Janet and I told them they should turn some of their clients down.  Neither of my sons would agree to that, however, feeling a strong obligation to those people who had loyally patronized them for so many years.

 

     A.J. started school three nights a week early in June as he had planned.  Because of Simon and Simons' full workload, he had to steal whatever free time he could for homework and studying.  Quite often this was done in the cab of Rick's truck as they drove from one job to another.  When he was forced, because of time constraints, to turn in an important paper stained brown and crinkled to the point it was barely legible, his professor remarked that this was the first time a forty-year-old student had handed in such a document to him with the excuse, "My older brother spilled coffee on it."   We all got a good laugh out of that, and A.J. got an A, so in the end no harm was done.

 

     And as if we didn't have enough other irons in the fire, Rick bought the Captain Gully in late May.  Every Saturday in June, and three in July, A.J., Janet and I helped my eldest scrub and polish and paint.  By the time we were done the Captain Gully stood gleaming proudly in her harbor.  If you didn't know it, you would have thought Rick had bought her brand new.

 

     A.J. and Janet also had to make time to fly up to Seattle twice that summer.  When they went in July it was to spend three days house hunting.  When they went back in August it was to sign the papers for the purchase of a rambling ninety-year-old Victorian they had both fallen in love with on first sight.

 

     In-between all this activity, Janet and I planned a wedding.

 

     As A.J. had told me, Janet's desire was for a small, quiet affair.  I didn't realize how small and quiet until she announced on that first Saturday we met to discuss it,  "I'd like to limit the guest list to thirty people, Cecilia."

 

     The look on my face as we sat together at my kitchen table must have conveyed more than any words could have. 

 

     "Is that going to be a problem?"  The bride-to-be questioned.

 

     "Well...honey...just on the Simon side alone A.J. has twenty-three cousins.  And on my side there are ten.  Now not all of them will come, I suppose.  Some of them do live out of state.  But still, I would expect at least twenty to show up, plus their spouses and children.  And then, of course, there are A.J.'s aunts and uncles.  Not to mention old friends of Jack's and mine like the Krelmans and the Wells, who will be so disappointed if they aren't invited.  And that doesn't even begin to touch on A.J.'s friends.  Plus people like Carlos and Eva, who are friends of Rick's, but who I'm sure would also like to attend.  And we've got to remember Abby Marsh and some of the other officers from the station.   I'm sure Town and Temple will want to drive down for the ceremony, as well.  And don't forget some of the clients the boys have grown close to over the..."

 

     I broke off my mental guest list when Janet started laughing.  She leaned sideways in her chair, wrapping her arms around my neck. 

 

"Okay, okay, you win.  You invite whomever you want to.  I guess as long as all those people fit in your backyard, it doesn't make any difference to me."

 

     I knew it did make a difference to her, and I greatly appreciated her bowing to my wishes.  I hugged her back.  "I'm just so happy for both you and A.J., honey.  So thrilled my son will be marrying such a beautiful bride, that I want to share the occasion with everyone we're close to."

 

     She kissed my cheek as we parted.  "I know you do, Cecilia.  And I understand.  I need to remember that, although this is my second marriage, it's A.J.'s first.  You both deserve to share such an occasion with all the people that mean so much to you."

 

     I reached for my blue spiral notebook, the brand new one I had scrawled across the front, A.J. and Janet's Wedding, and began listing names as fast as they came to mind.  Janet didn't have too many of her own to add, just a few people from the D.A.'s office and three close girlfriends.  Her family guest list was small as well.  Like Janet herself, Janet's mother had been an only child.  Myron was the middle son of three boys.  His oldest brother had been killed somewhere in the Pacific during World War II before he'd had a chance to marry.  Myron's younger brother, Chuck, who lived in Florida with his wife of forty years, had just one child, a daughter a few months younger than Janet.  Colleen, Janet's cousin, would be her honor attendant, as Rick would be A.J.'s.  Janet and Colleen had practically grown up as sisters, especially after Janet's mother had passed away.  Because of the odd hours Myron kept as a private investigator, Janet's care was often left to her Uncle Chuck and Aunt Vera.  Colleen had been unable to attend Janet's first wedding, much less be a member of the bridal party, because she was quite pregnant at the time with her second child.  She was pleased Janet asked her to stand up in this wedding, and promised that her parents, husband, and three children, would all be sitting in the first row on the bride's side when the ceremony convened. 

 

     By the time the guest list was complete we had two hundred names on it.  I gave Janet a sheepish little grin.  "Now the next problem is, how in the world am I going to fit two hundred people in my backyard?"

 

     A.J. solved that dilemma for us when he stopped by later in the morning to check on our progress.  First he teased me about how large this small wedding had suddenly become, then asked, "How many people do you think you can fit out there?"

 

     "I was guessing that by the time we rented chairs, probably one hundred."

 

     He thought a moment.  "Alright.  Then how about if we invite one hundred to the wedding, and the remainder to just the reception?  We can have a buffet-style meal.  People can fill their plates in here, then move about the house and lawn to find seats."

 

     I thought that sounded like a good idea and so did Janet.  The ceremony was to start at two p.m.  I decided we'd state the reception would begin at three-thirty and run until seven, so as to alleviate seating problems.  It was my hope that with such a wide span of hours to greet and visit with the bride and groom, our guests would come and go in random numbers rather than all arriving at the same time.      

 

     I looked over my handwritten list of names and moaned with distress.  "But now how do I decide which hundred to invite to the reception only?

 

     A.J. laughed at me again as he headed out the door. 

 

"That's your problem, ladies.  I don't want any part of it."

 

     It took three tries on Janet's and my part before we finally managed to decide which one hundred people we, as well as Rick and A.J., were closest to. 

 

     For as much as I might have ruined my future daughter-in-law's plans for a small wedding, she had the good grace not to mention it.  And also the good grace to give me warm hug that day when she left, and to tell me how much she loved me. 

 

______________________

 

     As August came to an end, Rick equated me to General Eisenhower right before the invasion of Normandy.  And, I suppose, there was some truth to that comparison as I scurried about lining up my wedding troops. 

 

     A.J. had rented one hundred white chairs to be delivered and set up in my yard the Saturday morning of the wedding.  As well, he rented ten wrought iron tables to be placed in the driveway that would seat six, so that the majority of our elderly guests would have a place to sit and eat their meal. 

 

     Janet and I had decided on a simple buffet of finger sandwiches with a large variety of hors d'oeuvres, salads, cheeses and crackers, as well as fresh fruits, vegetables, and dip to make it easy for those who couldn't find seats to stand and eat.

 

     The three-tiered wedding cake that had been ordered was to be frosted in white and decorated with tiny pink frosting hearts.  One layer was made of strawberries and custard, another raspberries and cream cheese, and the third layer, in deference to Rick's request, would be chocolate.  Janet and A.J. couldn't figure out why I wouldn't allow them to pick a decoration out for the top of the cake.  It wasn't until their wedding day that they saw why. 

 

     Jack had sent me a real silver picture frame from France when he was in the service.  The frame was actually two little frames in the shape of hearts, that joined on hinges in the middle.  For years it had sat on my dresser with a picture of myself as a new bride on one side, and a picture of my young groom on the other.  On the day of my son's wedding, I replaced those photos with pictures of A.J. and Janet, and carefully adorned the top of their cake with it. 

 

     Janet didn't want a traditional wedding gown, and as a matter of fact, didn't intend to wear white at all.  But just what she was going to wear she didn't know.  She and I spent several evenings shopping for the perfect dress.  I finally found it in a formal wear store across town.

 

     Janet started out by holding up two-piece suits - the kind I normally saw her wear to work, though admittedly more on the elegant side.  If one could think of a suit as elegant, that is.  

 

     I shook my head.  "No.  You can't be married in a suit, Janet."

 

     She moved on to a rack of dresses.   Granted, they were designer items, but they looked more like the type of dress someone would wear to a fancy restaurant or a wedding.  And by wearing it to a wedding, I don't mean the bride.

 

     I wrinkled my nose in distaste.  "No.  That will never do."

 

     "But, Cecilia," she said as she held up a pale pink Christian Dior, "this one's pretty."

 

     "Yes, it is," I agreed.  "But not for your wedding."

 

     She reluctantly moved on to the formal ball gowns.  There she began pulling out long dresses in yellow, peach, and green for my approval. 

 

     "No, none of those will do either," I negated.  "They're just not you."

 

     She gave an exasperated sigh before returning the dresses to their proper place.  She buried her head in racks of gowns once more, continuing her quest.

 

     While she was busy doing that, I did some searching of my own.  Within five minutes I'd found it.  I'd found the dress that had Janet's name written all over it.

 

     I held up the beautiful, hand crafted gown for Janet to see. 

 

     I could tell Janet fell in love with it the minute I showed it to her.  "But, Cecilia," she voiced her regret.  "It's a wedding gown."

 

     True, it was.  And she'd said many times she didn't want to buy a wedding gown or wear white.  But this gown was different.  It didn't look like something a first-time bride in her twenties would wear.  It was devoid of a train and full skirt and elaborate veil.  All the things Janet said she didn't want in a dress.  Rather, it had a sophisticated air about it.  An air that said the bride that wore it was a worldly woman of finesse and grace.  A woman with a special style all her own.   The gown itself described Janet to a T.

 

     "You're right, it's a wedding gown," I acknowledged.  "But really, Janet, what difference does it make?"

 

     "Well...I'm just going to feel funny wearing a wedding gown, considering this is my second marriage."

 

     "Oh goodness, sweetheart, that's an outdated tradition as far as I'm concerned."   I thrust the dress at her, urging,  "Just try it on."

 

     She hesitated a moment longer before a sales lady with a heavy French accent approached and insisted that Janet, with her height and slim build, would do the gown great justice. 

 

     And she did.  When she stepped out of the dressing room tears came to my eyes. 

 

     The form-fitting gown was actually in two pieces.  The long satin skirt clung to her narrow hips and slender legs, forcing her to take abbreviated steps as she walked toward me.  The hemline dragged the ground just a tad, covering her shoes completely.  Hundreds of tiny pearls formed an elaborate design on the skirt that rose from the hem to her knees.